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| Blogs > itzchic824 > The Voices Inside |
Random jokes
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Random jokes A drunk man staggers into the police station at 3 in the morning and tells the officer on duty, "I'd like to have a word with that of a bitch you'll arrested who broke into our house last week." Sensing trouble, the officer informs him that this is against police policy and would not be possible. "You don't understand," says the man. "I'd just like to find out how he managed to get into the house without waking up my wife." **** Does this rag smell like chloroform to you? **** Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two bestfriends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together. Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.' The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't Stanley .' The mortician thought this was rather strange. So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.' The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Stanley ' The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?' Gomer said, 'Well, Stanley had two assholes.' 'What? He had two assholes?' asked the mortician. 'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say: 'There's Stanley with them two assholes.' **** If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments. **** : You spend the first 2 years of their life<b> teaching </font></b>them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up **** Three men are traveling though the dessert and they are very thirsty. They come to a mysterious water slide in the middle of the dessert that has instructions at the top: "Slide down and yell the drink of your choice and at the bottom you will find a pool of that beverage." The three men are very excited. The first man slides down and yells "Milk!" He then falls into a pool of milk. The next man goes down and yells "Lemonade!" He falls into a pool full of it. The final man goes down and overwhelmed with excitement he yells "Weeee!" I sent an Angel to watch over you last night, it returned in a hurry. I asked why, it said "Angels can't watch porn." Thanks for fucking traumatizing my fucking Angel! Don't bother trying to figure me out. Not even the little voices in my head understand me. It's pointless! |
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