Find Trans Hookups Now
Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
Find Trans Hookups Now
| Blogs > myelin36 > Dirty Little Secrets |
Ghosting: The Ultimate Silent Treatment
|
Ghosting: The Ultimate Silent Treatment Several years ago, I met a guy from this site. I was reluctant to get involved due to the distance factor (he was an hour away) but I justified it because I was attending grad school in a nearby city. After a few really decent dates, he invited me to spend the night and I accepted. The sex was great. We met every few weeks for about two months with me doing all the traveling (one red flag) to him. After one weekend, I texted him, per our usual and he never responded. Nothing. Nada. Days turned into weeks. I didn't want to seem like a stalker so I stopped texting. I still don't know what caused him to vaporize like a fart in the wind. Little did I realize at the time, but I had been "ghosted." "Ghosting" is a phenomenon that refers to ceasing all contact with someone without any explanation. Ghosting isn't exclusive to romantic relationships. It can occur with platonic and business relationships as well. The recipient might be left scratching their head in confusion, or worse yet, diving into their deepest insecurities for answers. For me, I pondered every minute interaction. Did I not do this? Could I have done that better? After evaluating everything, I realized something. Cowards just disappear. And he was a coward for ending it this way. This was not about me, this was about him and his inability to sever a relationship in a mature way. To work through my anger, that's how I justified it to myself. According to research, chances are likely that you've probably ghosted someone before, too.  So, what causes someone to ghost someone? According to Psychology Today, there are many psychological reasons why someone ghosts, but at its core, ghosting is avoidance and often stems from fear of conflict. Which means, at its heart, ghosting is about avoiding confrontation, avoiding difficult conversations and avoiding hurting someone's feelings. It's important to distinguish the "ghosting" phenomenon from escaping an unsafe or abusive relationship. You have every right to escape the latter without further communication, in whatever way keeps you physically and emotionally safe. However, if your motivation for disappearing is avoidance, then you might want to consider a better way to end a relationship. Relationship research shows that ghosting (a.k.a. avoidance) is the worst way to terminate relationships, according to recipients, and can actually lead to bigger confrontations down the line. While ghosting seems to have become pervasive over the last decade, and many people point to more online dating apps and fading decorum around courting as causes -- ghosting is nothing new. Most people don't look forward to tough conversations, and breaking up certainly falls in that category. Fear of disappointing someone, looking like the "bad guy," or dealing with someone's direct anger can cause anxiety. But the more "ghosts" avoid conflict, the more their anxiety builds over time. Many of the issues "ghosts" avoid are likely problems that might have been sorted out through open communication. Each time we think about having a tough conversation, anxiety and fear of conflict can take over, resulting in avoidance behavior to suppress fear. I have been guilty of this myself. I loathe conflict and try to avoid it at all costs. "It's not you, it's me." Sound familiar? I've delivered that speech to a few men when ending a relationship rather than being honest. I've resented myself later for it but I didn't want to be the bad guy. If you are a chronic ghoster, working through anxiety by confronting small fears with someone safe is a baby step toward conquering bigger relationship conflicts. Have you experienced ghosting? If so, were you the ghost or the recipient? How did it make you feel? Were you able to handle/overcome it? |
||||
|
I just got ghosted last week. I / we were having great interaction through e-mail and text. We were trying to make time to get together. It was hard...me with a tight family schedule with two kids grade school age and many interests....she working nights. But, we were jiving and hitting it off in text. But then.....dead air.....flat line..... This is not the first time. I don't take it too personally since that is what I have wanted to do sometimes. I have gotten e-mails from people I knew it would never work with and did not reply, but i don't consider that ghosting. I think, in this scene, openness and honesty is the best. If you get hurt....get up and move on.
| |||
|
Wow, you did your research..lol. I never knew there was an actual term for it. I jus refer to it as "gettn dissed". I have never been ghosted to your extreme, multiple weeks of meetings and dates but I have had women suddenly disappear from the face of the Earth for no apparent reason. I admit im not quite perfect..lol but I am very lighthearted, optimistic, fun loving, open minded person. Who doesn't need that in their life? Anyway, you live and learn...
| |||
|
A fascinating topic! I've been on both ends of it. I can think of one specific case where I became the ghost. It wasn't intentional, it's just that "I wrote later today" turns into tomorrow, which turns into next week that turns into next month and suddenly, you're a ghost. How do you feel about a ghost what wakes up again?
| |||
|
just ghost em right back 
| |||
|
How hard is it to say you don't want to continue a relationship... very hard. I guess that why people do this. I am so happy I am not into dating anymore. Be very hard to get back into this again after all these years but people have to do what they have to do. Great post for today! Very interesting reading for sure hugsssssss V Become a blog watcher sweet_vm
| |||
|
strange things happen via of this site.
| |||
|
This site irks the hell out of me! I had lengthy response prepared then after clicking, "send" it logged me out forcing me to lose everything! To summarize, I would likely hear out someone who ghosted me if they turn back up to gain closure over the past relationship. However, I would write them off because it's an emotional betrayal and as we all know, emotional betrayals are the worst. As the saying goes, "Once bitten twice shy." Another thing about this site that irks me is that there is no threading in replies to a blog post. I can't find a way to comment on your comment and keep all our comments together. Grrr. Anyway, your viewpoint is interesting. I think I'm more forgiving, and willing to restart a stale relationship because sometimes life just gets in the way of anything else we have going on. In my case, I was speaking of online/virtual relationships while, you were speaking of someone you were actually intimate with, and that does put a different spin on it. Still, unless I had a bad emotional split with someone, I'm usually willing to allow someone back into my life, even if it's just a night together for "old times sake." Who knows? She might be good enough to see again.  Maybe I'm just easy. My ex? No freakin' way. An old girlfriend? Probably.
| |||
|
I've been ghosted a few times, the first time it happened it really hurt me. I thought things were great and poof shes gone, no contact at all. Never returned a message or a phone call. I have done it on the vanilla site, but usually because someone has pissed me off to the point where I want to walk away. Aut viam inveniam aut faciam Tips for Guys to Meet Women  Things i miss most about relationships
| |||
|
I have never experienced ghosting nor have I ghosted anyone. I believe in communication and being civil. Ghosting seems like an antisocial way of dealing with ending relationships! “Life is available only in the present moment.” Thich Nhat Hanh Come and read my blog! Become a watcher! veryfunnycple64 
| |||
|
150, 000 people die every day. Kinda makes ya wonder, don't it? Next time you don't hear from someone . . . Perhaps they really are ghosting you. Then there are the married liars! Especially those who are found out. They were only a shadow of what you thought you saw in the first place, then, poof! The world is full of trickery, and run by tricky people. " . . . Do not let this blind you to what virtue there is . . .Neither be cynical about love . . ." Desiderata When done for the reasons you listed, I consider it cowardice. Stats: Make me wonder where the 36.36 and the 23.33 percent live. Pluto. That's my guess. Anything done half-heartedly will net you an equivalent result. ~CH
| |||
|
To my knowledge, I've never 'ghosted' anybody and I've never been a recipient, unless you count messages that were infrequent to start with?
|
Become a member to create a blog
