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| Blogs > Loreli_Sea_Wytch > My Blog |
Thoughts and Rambles
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Thoughts and Rambles Over the past three months I have seen my ordered world collapse around me. Relatives I cared for and had always helped in the past, saving homes from foreclosure, businesses from Bankruptcy and Paying for University degrees. Thinking that the younger generation would flourish and be abe to help others in our extended family lead productive and happy lives. Helping them to grow and expand by helping pay for back packing holidays to overseas countries. I was happy to be a part of this my extended family.As a wee bairn of six months I was adopted by two remarkable people. I do not mean they were famous, or extremely rich, they were ordinary midde class people who would by hard work become very well off. No they were remarkable because of the love and nurturing they gave both my sister and I, always telling us how special we were, how loved. They were part of the glue along with my grandmother that kept the family together when I was a and during my teenage years. So many happy memories of weekends spent at Kurnell or Cronulla having barbe ques and swimming parties. My sister and I were privileged to help my father with his wonderful Christmas events. Somewhere along the way however, I forgot my fathers teachings, and advice, about money, family and friends...If you lend money, make sure you have a written confirmation of the loan and make sure you get the money back. Not always in a luymo sum and not always quickly. You must always leave them their dignity and the ability to pay you without leaving them in hardship and resentful. Never just give the money, if you do it somehow demeans then and they think they can use you whenever they want.Sometimes they come to resent you as they feel like they are living in handouts, it does not stop them from asking for the money but it makes them weak in some ways It stops them from learning to stand on their own two feet or work out how to get through tough times when their is a family member they can get money from if trouble. Now I am no longer married to a wealthy man, nor work financially I could no longer get them out of trouble. When I found myself in dire straits I naturally went to them to ask for help. I was furious, hurt and shattered when they either said no or would not answer my telephone calls or return messages. Whenmyn Aunt and my cousin did not offer and when I asked for a place to stay for a couple oi weeks said no... How could they do that to me, didn't I help them, didn't my mother and I stand up to my grandfather when he wanted to change his Will and disinherit them.. how could they repay me this way. Well why not, did they really owe me anything, yes over the years when my uncle could not work due to illness my mother would take them grocery's and leave an envelope with Mooney in it. Now I look back, it must has been so soul destroying to have to take handouts, to be made to feel inferior, though we had not realised that was what we were doing. So the last several months have been a learning curve for me, By my so called generosity I had amde them into the people they are. No better and no worse than others, scared in these times of stock crashes, job losses not only in the blue ciklkar sector but the white as well. High flayer's reduced to mowing lawns as a way to survive and feed their families. Besides, my decisions led me to the predicament I found myself in, no matter it had started with trying to help out a close friend... they were my decisions I chose my path. I never truly understood what they meant when they said you have to reach rock bottom before you learned how to live. Now I know and understand. So now I begin again, I have been blessed with a brain and abilities that will gain me employment, it will no longer be senior management nor full time, but I will work and bring in money to supplement my disability pension. Once more I will respect and like myself, and slowly rebuild if it is my destiny friendships that have shattered or cracked along the way. I will also follow the old adage, never a borrower or lender be... what I cannot afford I will go without till I can afford it..  |
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Love to meet and chat one day. Best regards,
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4/13/2011 11:49 am |
Rock bottom is somewhere I have been ....... it took me over 3 years to establish my confidence again but I do have it and I will cling to it desperately ....forever. Thank you for sharing . 
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