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Blogs > rsbrandt44 > They Call Me...The Professor

We're Just Having a Quiet Dinner at Home, Officers  

rsbrandt44 67M
165 posts
10/14/2011 5:42 am
We're Just Having a Quiet Dinner at Home, Officers

My flatmate, as is her wont, brought home some guy that she'd met in a bar. The guy, who was quite the chatterbox, said he was an arborist for the city, and made either $18 or $20 an hour, or $500 or $1000 a week, depending on when you were listening, and sold heavy silver chains for $150, and that his uncle was a drag queen, and kept repeating he was the of Gary Somethingorother, as if I was supposed to recognize the name, even if I hadn't moved here from out of town ten years ago. (He reminded me of the guy who shot Sanford White, who would keep telling everyone, "I'm Harry K. Thaw. Of Pittsburgh!") Anyway, at some point my flatmate yelled at him to leave, allegedly over saying some midget at Benny's had told him he could score with her. (It also didn't help his case that he'd admitted he was making some other chick's car payments.) She kept hollering all the way to the parking lot, where he kept pleading to get his "$350 pair of Oakleys" out of her car. She finally let him look in the car and retrieve his sunglasses, at which point he triumphantly declared, "Got 'em, bitch!"

Probably not the best move. ("Dude! Ix-nay on the itch-bay!")

After further shoving and shouting she declared he was welcome to his "$350 pair of Oakleys" but the grocery bag of steaks and potatoes he'd brought over was heading back upstairs with her.

A while later the police knocked on our door and asked what had been going on. She turned on the Southern charm and asked them to come in and look around, and calmly explained that the guy had disrespected her in her own home and she'd asked him to leave, and he'd wanted to retrieve his "$350 pair of Oakleys," so she let him into her car to get them out.

She stopped then and asked me, "Tell them what happened then, Richard?"

"Called her a bitch," I replied.

So she admitted that she'd been a little angry and that she demanded he vacate our apartment complex.

So the one cop said "You took care of your business" although as they were leaving the other cop told her there were some discrepancies between her story and the way that the neighbors who phoned in described events, and she might want to be more careful in the future, and she was very attentive and respectful and said "Yes, sir" a lot.

After they left she high-fived me.

"Let's cook up some steaks," she said.
"Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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