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Blogs > OneStrangeBeast > The Beast Burrow

S.O.D.P.H.S. Edition  

OneStrangeBeast 52M  
2040 posts
5/31/2012 10:47 pm

Last Read:
6/1/2012 5:37 pm
S.O.D.P.H.S. Edition
Date: June 1, 2012
Time: Whenever The Beast gets around to it. Don't question The Beast.
Location: Deep within The Beast Borrow
Objective: Personnel Training on the subject of S.O.D.P.H.S.
Required Attendees: Minions

Well my minions, I see everybody must have gotten the memo about today's gathering since you're all here. I'll make sure the Minion In Charge of Printing and Distributing Memos is richly rewarded. (Just as soon as I figure out which of you little rascals that is.)
Minion #45,713 isn't here, but nobody has apparently seen him since the unfortunate cave-in over in quadrant D-3 of the burrow. I'm sure he's fine.
So we've gathered here today so that I can speak to you all about a very important topic, which is S.O.D.P.H.S.
S.O.D.P.H.S., sometimes humorously known as "Having the sods.", is Scrotum Odor Due to Poor Hygiene and Sweat. (Really "smart" phone... You don't even recognize the word scrotum? I'll bet you recognize Ball Sac though. Thought so!)
Having the sods is no laughing matter, minions. It reflects poorly on male minions, showing they are lazy and willing to be shunned by female minions... Or other males if that's their thing.
The sods are also an affront to female minions everywhere who are wonderful enough to bring their noses (which are connected to their mouths) within close proximity to male scrotums, ball sacs, nuts, testicles, meat and two veg, or whatever other name you may use to denote the male testes.
The male scrotum; if not properly bathed, powdered, oiled, shellacked, buffed, perfumed, dusted or in some other fashion hygienically maintained, can attain a foulness of odor unparalleled by anything not involving the decomposition of living tissue near a sulpher pit.



(For those keeping score - my phone did not recognize scrotum, shellacked, hygienically, or sulpher from the previous paragraph.)
To put it simply... Balls can stink something awful if you don't wash and maintain them! They can attain such a powerful, horrible stench, that I wouldn't blame any woman (or man) on the planet for refusing to provide services on Steak and Blowjob Day if their intended recipient didn't bother to clean up for the occasion.
As usual, The Beast does not make these statements as an innocent observer. I have been guilty myself of lounging around the burrow for an entire weekend, watching a television series marathon, eating fast food, and not bothering to change the Beast Shorts.
Those are the weekends in which I've nearly knocked myself unconscious with a stench wave when I finally decide I need a shower on a Sunday evening.
I would never, however, spend time with a lady if I thought there might be a chance of her lustily flaring nostrils coming within a meter of my bare boys without taking all necessary precautions.
If I suspect there's a chance a woman will be placing her nostrils, attached to her aforementioned mouth, anywhere near my naked beasticles, I will, at the bare minimum, ensure I'm properly showered. If I have the time, I'll go one better and add a dusting of talc or even a spritz of body spray. (Near the beasticles, not directly on them. The taste of that stuff is foul in its own right.)

To sum up this training session-

If you're a testicle bearer, keep them clean and maintained as often as possible. You may take the occasional weekend trip to Stenchville, but don't expect anybody to suffer through it with you if you get to feeling randy.
If you're somebody who simply enjoys spending quality time with testicles, demand the bearer maintain a reasonable level of hygiene and care of the jewels.

BEAST OUT

Bonus Material!

Increase your genital knowledge with OneStrangeBeast's Obscure Facts Concerning Genitals Program.
Today's Fact - During the 1990's, a rumor was spread that an unearthed "ice man" dubbed Ozti still had viable sperm within his ancient, flash frozen scrotal sac. This prompted a respectable number of Austrian women to volunteer to be artificially inseminated in order to bear his .
The Beast is going to take a gamble and bet those testicles had an odor all their own.

OneStrangeBeast 52M  
2167 posts
6/1/2012 2:59 am
    Quoting mmkabouterkie:
    This is soooooo true, some ladies will never ever again visit your other regions if that smell does come up...I have only once met a person with such an awe full smell...worst ...I packed a pizza on top of him because of the smell...needless to say...never saw him again....so yes please be kind enough to at least wash them??
Packed a pizza on top of him? So..... you used it like a big, edible air freshener?


OneStrangeBeast 52M  
2167 posts
6/1/2012 3:00 am
    Quoting  :
You're probably right. You feel free to live in silent, gagging agony.


OneStrangeBeast 52M  
2167 posts
6/1/2012 4:39 am
    Quoting mmkabouterkie:
    not really..I mean I vomited all over him....not good for either of us....but I could not help it....I am a mom and we are exposed to all kinds of smells...but dang...that was horrid....so yes....I won't say anything if there is a slight smell, cant always be ready for action, but when it gets to the point where you have to run away from that smell...its bad....I don't like hurting some one's feelings...so since then I make bathing or showering together part of the foreplay to avoid a repeat..{=}
Everybody seems to carry their own bottle of water-less hand cleaner these days. Maybe there's a market for scented ball cleansing spray that's also pleasing to the taste buds. I'll get my team of Science Geek Minions working on the formula to see if it's possible.


smartasswoman 66F  
35813 posts
6/1/2012 9:07 am

 Well, and it is a two way street of course...I can't imagine that lady parts smell any better if one lounges around all weekend not showering or changing underwear...


OneStrangeBeast 52M  
2167 posts
6/1/2012 10:25 am
    Quoting  :
Be careful with the coffee dear. A man pumped full of pain killers might deliver a pain killing load to swallow as well.


OneStrangeBeast 52M  
2167 posts
6/1/2012 10:26 am
    Quoting  :
Fresh Balls may just have themselves a new customer. Thank-you for the plug!


OneStrangeBeast 52M  
2167 posts
6/1/2012 10:31 am
    Quoting smartasswoman:
    Well, and it is a two way street of course...I can't imagine that lady parts smell any better if one lounges around all weekend not showering or changing underwear...
We all know female minions would never do something like that though! I'm pretty sure there's a No Stank Pussy clause buried somewhere within the ever-expanding Minion Rules and Regulations Handbook. If there isn't....... "Minion in Charge of Updating the Handbook!!!!!"


japaneseass 56F  
50231 posts
6/1/2012 12:22 pm

 this shit funny...you know...your training reminds me of the personal training the Navy used to give us...i tell ya, i wish those boring agonizing three hour training was this funny...i would have stayed awake...you really should talk the Navy, if you can be speaker for those personal training...i would highly recommend...


spiderj72 51M
7898 posts
6/1/2012 4:11 pm

 sulphur has a u not an e, that might help. i find a nice cleansing fire will go a long way to dealing with rottten crotch. also acceptable is a caustic dip but then you need to have caustic in the house. both of these will leave you with a pleasant non odourous area that you and your date can talk about well into the evening.


sirjohnslut 62M/62F

6/1/2012 4:27 pm

 OMG Beast you made my evening! Hmmmm ever thought of teaching personal hygine for middle and high school boys??? Catch um young and teach them right!


OneStrangeBeast 52M  
2167 posts
6/1/2012 5:29 pm
    Quoting japaneseass:
    this shit funny...you know...your training reminds me of the personal training the Navy used to give us...i tell ya, i wish those boring agonizing three hour training was this funny...i would have stayed awake...you really should talk the Navy, if you can be speaker for those personal training...i would highly recommend...
I should talk to the Navy? I am...I keep saying let me retire already.


OneStrangeBeast 52M  
2167 posts
6/1/2012 5:35 pm
    Quoting spiderj72:
    sulphur has a u not an e, that might help. i find a nice cleansing fire will go a long way to dealing with rottten crotch. also acceptable is a caustic dip but then you need to have caustic in the house. both of these will leave you with a pleasant non odourous area that you and your date can talk about well into the evening.
Sulphur with a U, check. Sometimes I slip. Your ideas, although wonderful sounding, seem a bit more drastic than the wonder product mentioned earlier, Fresh Balls.


OneStrangeBeast 52M  
2167 posts
6/1/2012 5:37 pm
    Quoting sirjohnslut:
    OMG Beast you made my evening! Hmmmm ever thought of teaching personal hygine for middle and high school boys??? Catch um young and teach them right!
I think I would be chased out of town by the PTA, brandishing pitchforks and torches within a week or two.


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