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| Blogs > OneStrangeBeast > The Beast Burrow |
Allow Me to Ravel this Edition
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Allow Me to Ravel this Edition Today's offering will be highly randomized bits that are floating around in my head. They will primarily be of the "Fart Joke" variety, but with me being me, they will be intelligent fart jokes. I'm just getting in from the hospital where I spent my second night undergoing my sleep study. I left my phone in my truck so that I wouldn't upset the technicians by accidentally forgetting to turn my alarm off once again. I badly wish I had brought it in anyway now. I can't be sure, but I'm fairly certain that the box of wires on my chest, and the nose mask on my face, would have made me look like the badass, bastard of Darth Vader and Bane. The technician showed me my brain activity in the form of squigley lines, and swears I was asleep within 30 seconds, and slept soundly all night. I'm certain I was semi-awake most of the night due to my right shoulder aching from sleeping flat on my back. I tried putting my right hand behind my head several times, and wound up loosening the mask and having an air leak which I was sure would bring him in to adjust the equipment. Apparently all of that registered as good, sound sleep. Men, during the initial phase of a relationship, exert considerable amounts of effort, and experience ample discomfort, hiding from their new partner the fact that do indeed fart. Women, during the initial phase of a relationship, exert an equal amount of effort, with more than likely accompanying mental anguish, disguising the fact that they are batshit crazy. Women like to claim that they can endure more pain than a man can possibly imagine during childbirth. I respectfully disagree. Men, too, experience pain quite often on a scale which I can only assume borders on levels achieved during labor. We have gas. I have personally had gas that was so painful, it dropped me to my knees in my tracks, and caused me to completely stop breathing. When the need to collapse into a ball, squeeze your eyes shut, and grimace outweighs the body's requirement for oxygen, I would say that's a considerable amount of pain. I also had to pull onto the shoulder of a highway once to wait it out for fear of driving headlong into an oncoming 18 wheeler. I can only describe the pain as what I believe it would feel like to have a midget shove his knife-clutching hand up my ass, continue pressing upward until he reached my small intestine, and then slowly corkscrew the knife around to see what he could scrape loose. I thought of another word last night which I've never heard a person use, and which I'm wondering whether can be used as a stand-alone word in the first place. I believe my last offering was "vincible". You hear of something being invincible often, but never that something is vincible. The one I thought of prior to my sleep study last night, was raveled. People will often say that something has become unraveled. If something can become unraveled, logic tells me that it can be raveled in the first place. I've never actually heard it though. Nobody has ever asked me, "Could you please ravel these together for me?" I'm going to have to look into the word origins behind unraveled today once I fully wake up. OK. I told you it would be random today. Everyone enjoy your day. |
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I could eat strained baby food and marshmallows and still get gas. Of all the things my father could have left me when he died, he chose his innards.
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Authority? I won't say I have a PHD in Batshit Crazy Woman Recognition, but I believe I have a fairly strong working knowledge of the subject. I've observed my fair share of subjects in the wild, and have grown confident in my ability to spot the batshit. 
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Dude, midgets are from the devil. No wonder you'd use such imagery. karlbloggerfeld - Dry-humping your legs since 2007.
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i am scared of midgets... dude...you are one crazy mother focker...  thank you...i needed that laugh...
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Dude, midgets are from the devil. No wonder you'd use such imagery.
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i am scared of midgets... dude...you are one crazy mother focker... thank you...i needed that laugh...
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i start to think that it really isnt a sleep study at all is it? more like trying to figure out just what the hell is happening in that head of yours.
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i start to think that it really isnt a sleep study at all is it? more like trying to figure out just what the hell is happening in that head of yours.
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I've often wondered about discombobulated... how can you be dis-combobulated if you can't be combobulated?  .."...and then God created the orgasm, so women can moan even when they are happy"- Tantra 
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I've often wondered about discombobulated... how can you be dis-combobulated if you can't be combobulated? 
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i am scared of midgets... dude...you are one crazy mother focker... thank you...i needed that laugh...
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Lately I've been dreaming a fat squirrels, pigging out on junk food.
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Sorry Beastie Buttercup...I'm not gonna concede on the birth pains...gas pains do not last for 36 hours. Have a baby, or pass a kidney stone...then we'll talk. I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn
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Sorry Beastie Buttercup...I'm not gonna concede on the birth pains...gas pains do not last for 36 hours. Have a baby, or pass a kidney stone...then we'll talk. I'll take a very conservative time period of 10 minutes of gas pain per day. Let's multiply that by the number of days in 9 months. My fuzzy math skills tell me that I can suffer 45 hours of gas pain to your measley 36 hours of baby popping pain. ....... no contest.
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