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| Blogs > MBm2fWidow > The Widow's Watch |
40 Years since SRS
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40 Years since SRS  This October will mark the 40th anniversary of my SRS. I was 22 years old. This journey, especially with the death of my husband in 2012 and then the death of my friend in 2015 has become more difficult than ever. For 30 years, I pretty much lived stealth. Through my education, my career, my marriage. In-laws..neighbors, colleagues for 25 years knew nothing of my transgender reality. Of course my husband did...but his attitude (and I adopted it too) was it wasn't their business. Certainly in my career it wasn't anyone's business. But I can tell you that, when my husband died and I looked around at my own truth ... I realized how isolated I had made myself. Being on this site and broadcasting has been a way of pulling back the curtain and letting myself be exposed. At first I thought it was freeing.... now I question what and why I am doing what I am doing. In my opinion and my experience...gender dysphoria is life-long. I consider myself very lucky and successful in my life and my choices ... you can't bury the past... time doesn't make it go away ... surgery helped balance the dissatisfaction and the confusion....... but life brings with it experiences which bring great joy as well as profound loss and sadness. At age 62, widowed...retired.....financially secure... still feeling healthy ..vibrant.... attractive....there is still the ever-present universal desire and need for intimacy .... which being transgender and now facing life trying to be open about my sex-change ... is just as difficult as ever. I sometimes think the solution is to move to an area of the country where being transgender allows me to be part of a bigger community.... where I could find myself in a sisterhood of sorts........ I only know that now...in my world ...when the camera is off ... and I am in my life...I am still relatively isolated within my soul's perspective ........... we all just want to fit in...... and even when you do fit in seamlessly as I have done for so very many years ... doesn't mean you ever feel like you fit in.....and hence the core element of gender dysphoria. |
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2/24/2018 1:55 pm |
Thank you for sharing with me. Hugs and Kisses. I would love to you teach and mentor me.
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11/21/2017 3:54 pm |
Thanks for your openness and sharing. Know that I for one Love you and your friendship. Wishes for a Great Thanksgiving this year and know you are in my prayers, Dear. XOXOXOX.
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10/25/2017 1:15 am |
Why not write a real novel (or biography) of your life? It is as attractive as your body!  Undeniably inseparable! Kisses and hugs ...{=}
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You will always be the effervescent and Miss Congeniality to me, and just keep that in mind. I have said it before you will always be loved. Ya can't stop that happening ya dag.
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Though I only know you here,I feel we are kindred spirits. So different but very much alike in some ways. It's a feeling I guess. You are like a sister I feel I need to look out for and protect.lol You are awesome and I smile whenever I see you on here. Thanks for being such a great performer as well as a very nice person. Wait! Hell, you could be an axe murderer for all I know.lol Oh well I'm sure there are some very nice axe murderers out there. 
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It's kind of like a blessing and a curse to be so woman-like and perceived completely as a female, and at the same time, facing a conundrum within of if/when/how to disclose your genetic identity? It would be a struggle for me. There is also the fact that the people who would not want to interact with you if they knew are people likely not worthy and deserving to know you. In any case, you deserve kudos for being true to yourself and so self-aware!
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8/8/2016 10:14 am |
Dear everyone does not need to know your the details of your past. You can talk about the success in the software field that permitted you to retire early and the degrees and leave it at that. Thank you for sharing with us your transition journey.
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Darling, you are a beautiful brave girl. You don't have to explain to anyone your history if you don't want to. You have more than earned the right to do what you like, when you like. If other people were as brave and as amazing as you, this would be a happier world. I understand 40 years ago, and can imagine the struggles you must have gone through. But hopefully today it's getting better. Anyone who loves you, loves you for being you, not for what happened 40 years ago. If you feel you need to be open with friends, then let it happen. Some will run, but that's their loss, not yours. I promise you will find a lot of friends will be there to take their place. My G daughter, just came out to her friends, and she lost a few, but has found so many more real friends, because she's so happy and outgoing now. Good luck with any decision you make, and if ever you want to just vent or scream at someone, I'll lend an ear.
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Knowing the south I would go about it like "if no one asks, don't tell". When the ones that know you do find out, most will understand (why you are not open) and probably back you up, some will but will be afraid to do so publicly, and then there will be the ones who won't at all. In your case you won't be trying to trick them. You have gone through the whole 9 yards and you live all aspects of your life as a woman. Your late husband was right. Keep in mind there are people within the heterosexual who try to fit into their community or into a circle of friends and have a hard time and they don't even have your situation. Just like in other things in life when you go through hard times, you really find out who your friends really are, and those who are not. Good luck, soon the grand strand will be rockin' again.
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