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| Blogs > MBm2fWidow > The Widow's Watch |
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Labels … So many labels some complimentary others not so much, each adjective adding layers to walls around something into which I’m supposed to fit. I struggle to find this elusive box and know well enough there is none that exists. That doesn’t stop my endless need to find acceptance, to be loved, to be desired, to be needed, to simply belong. As a I was silenced under a veil of reoccurring sexual abuse, relentless ridicule and unnoticed cries for help. My screams were muffled under a blanket of religious doctrine and my embarrassing stuttering voice. While classmates laughed at my inability to speak I sank deeper into a world where the abuse somehow made me feel like I belonged because it was my “cross to bear.” The skylight above my bed exposed the night’s sky and a Heaven where I could dream of a day when the pain would vanish. Puberty brought a developing and blossoming body as soft and as curvy as nature designed for any young girl. But they kept telling me I was a boy. My mother tried to explain away my shape as baby fat when clearly my hourglass proportions were proving her wrong. She dressed me in husky sizes and made me lower the height of my natural waistline. It was a visual trick, easily done with baggy clothes. Just like that she disguised away the developing hormonal issues while relentlessly correcting the way I walked, sat, laughed, even the words I used. Her mantra was always the same; “boys don’t talk like that, boys don’t walk like that.” She had more issues with my gender than I did. All I wanted was to be loved for being me to be accepted for being me, for who I am.  |
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Thanks for sharing your story. It must have been something very special for you, on that day, when you turned a corner and released all of the negative energies that had always attached itself to your self, finally able to shed it. Emerging as the beautiful being you have always been... 
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12/11/2016 11:38 am |
I am very attracted to the Beautiful Butterfly that has emerged from those earlier years and the cocoon. You grow more Beautiful each day as the Butterfly, do not labels define your growth and Beauty.
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thanks for sharing
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You have been on my Watched blog for a long time. I am so very glad to see you back. There are many people on here with wide open minds and ability to accept people for who they are. Your journey has been long and often not pleasant. I think you are amazing (Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group
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