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| Blogs > SabrinaRoxanne > My Blog |
Yes, I do love being a transgendered transexual woman!
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Yes, I do love being a transgendered transexual woman! Yes, I do love being a transgendered woman! If you had asked me if I loved being a transwoman a few months ago, I would have responded 'no.' In fact, I asked this question of my self.. I wondered whether other trans women felt as ambivalently about their gender as I did. The more living I do, though, the more I realize one important thing - all the things I hate about being a transwoman don't stem from being a trams woman, but from the bullshit society throws at transwomen. All my life, I have thought of my gender as a limitation to my freedom. I hated that I couldn't be as free as I wanted to be and I hated that I had to always be evaluated by looks first. I hated being expected to please people all the time, I hated that people would discount my abilities for no reason, and I hated that the world was a more dangerous place for me. This message of womanhood as a social handicap was ingrained in me at a very young age by literally everyone. When I was a , my mom and aunt gave me skin-lightening creams, a gym membership at age 12, and subtle but persistent suggestions to get a nose job so that I could be prettier, skinnier and thus more successful. My mom used to tell me my saxophone playing would never be as good as the boys in my band, because boys are just better at these things, and also at math (thanks mom). I knew I had become a trans woman not from some thoughtful and respectful moment of realization, but when I started getting catcalls walking down the street. I had plenty of reasons to hate being a transwoman, and it has sent me into my fair share of depressive periods. All transwomen are sadly familiar with this seedy underbelly of womanhood, of feeling like you're somehow boxed in and unduly affected by a part of your identity that you can't change. To combat the shame and self-hatred, I started taking women's studies classes as early as I could (15). I volunteered as a crisis advocate and . I was not going to be sold a bill of goods on what being a woman should, or could, be. The more I learn and live, the more I realize that being a trans woman is spectacular. It's everyone else's opinion of what women are or should be that is insane and ridiculous. It's not my fault I'm so lightskinned. I wasn't asking to be catcalled at and I wasn't asking 'for it' with my outfit. I like playing the saxophone and yes, I play much better than most of the boys I know. I was on the math team in grade school and am in medical school now. I could be the next President one day. I am finally at peace with my eyes and my nose and my skin. In fact, I LOVE my eyes and nose and skin. I love the strength and beauty and life force that lives inside of me. But my sexuality is MY sexuality, and it is not ruled by your stupid opinion. And yes, I can be emotional, at times my feelings rule me - but maybe they should rule you sometimes, too. Maybe the world would be better if all of us felt a little more. Society needs to stop heaping a gender burden on transwomen and just let us be ourselves - freely and safely. I wish it would do this for men, too, but that's another conversation. Peace..Hope,,Love Huggs Sabrina  |
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it's amazing how you put your case forward.
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10/19/2017 9:30 pm |
Love the post. Great message.
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6/12/2018 3:53 pm |
Love you post and how your attitude is evolving.
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