Today
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Posted:Oct 2, 2015 8:31 pm
Last Updated:Oct 22, 2015 6:00 pm
3064 Views
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Well...I will be honest....today basically sucked... So, the reason my car wouldn't start yesterday was because it needed a starter...which thank fully is now fixed but it means that I owe my bosses more money  So then after work, I go and picked up my from school and he had a bad day too (attitude from hell). In the car on the way home, he said his finger hurt and said he hurt it on a ball at school. So we get home, about to start dinner and he wanted me to look at this finger because I couldn't look at his finger and drive at the same time. When I looked at his finger, it was swollen and bruised....sooooo off to the ER we go. BUT before we left the house, I asked him to get me something out of the bathroom while I was putting my shoes back on. 5 seconds later I hear a crash/bang and then he started crying hysterically....he tripped in the dark hallway going in the bathroom and he smoked his eye/cheek on the door knob. I am the WORST mother on the planet. If I hadn't asked him to get me my freakin bra so we could go to the ER to have his finger looked at, he wouldn't be sporting an almost black eye. ;(
I am soooo ready for this day to be done and hoping that tomorrow is better.
Sorry for the rant...I'm just exhausted and emotional because I helped cause my to get hurt ;(
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Phases of life
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Posted:Oct 1, 2015 5:22 pm
Last Updated:Oct 22, 2015 6:01 pm
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Everyone goes through phases in their lives and I am not an exception to that rule. I am going through another phase of my life. I have started back to school (again---for the 3rd time). It's online classes so that makes it easier to go to class after working all day and getting my ready for bed/dinner/ his homework (OMG he's in kindergarten LOL ). Some people in my life have been really supportive of my decision to go back to school....but the most important person in my life (my mother) keeps putting me down because of....well, I don't really know why she isn't supportive of this. I know I can't control what she thinks, but it hurts to think that she doesn't think that I can/should go through this again. Every time someone has told me that I was crazy for doing something and/or told me that I couldn't do it....I did it just to show them that I could.
I know this has nothing to do with anything. I am just thinking to much and trying not to cry. It's just been one of those days. I had someone at work (not one of my co-workers) tell me that because I told her that I was offended about an email that she sent me, that she was offended that I was offended and that she didn't want to deal with me.....OOOKKKK wtf?? anyway...then I went to leave work and my car wouldn't start...and it is still sitting at work my mom didn't answer her phone so I had to call my step-dad (who was at work himself) to pick up my at his after-school program and then come pick me up and bring us home...then he has to go back to work because he works 3rd shift. AND he is going to pick us up in the morning to take my to school and me to work. I am glad that I can count on him to help us and I am grateful to have him around (not that I will ever have the nerve to tell him that)
I know I am rambling all over the place and I apologize for that, but as I have said in previous posts, I don't have anyone to talk to about anything and I don't have anywhere to get my thoughts out without my family judging me because lets be honest here...I can't post this stuff on FB. BUT on the plus side of things...it's Thursday and it is one day closer to Friday AND there is football on TV....YAYYYY
Anyway....Have a great night to those who are reading this and thank you for taking the time to read through my rambling mess.
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Dreams
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Posted:Jan 27, 2015 6:24 pm
Last Updated:Jul 12, 2015 5:41 pm
4589 Views
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So...I have been having quite a few dreams lately about someone who I should NOT be having dreams about!!! Let's just say after having one of these dreams, going to work with a straight face and no blushing becomes difficult. I don't know why I keep dreaming about this person and I don't know if what I feel is real or just part of the dreams... I am so confused about this... Could this be because it's been so long since I have had someone in my life and I am just lonely? Or do I genuinely have feelings for this person...who happens to be married to a woman who is so the opposite of me and has ? There are times at work when he looks a me a certain way and I keep thinking "does he know?" That would make things really awkward to say the least if he figured out about how I feel about him (or think I feel about him)
I have talked to someone that I trust about these dreams and she thinks I keep having these dreams because he is in a superior role in my life and she thinks I like to be dominated (which I am not sure is correct)...could she be right? ....Like I said...very confusing because I will only end up hurt because I know that he does not feel this way about me...so maybe I am just letting my loneliness get the best of me  since it has been over 5 years since the last time I had sex and over a year since I have had a "special someone" in my life (who turned out to be an a$$hole)
Any thoughts on how I should deal with this??? Or better yet...any thoughts on how to make the dreams stop???
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I'm Back....for a little while anyway
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Posted:Jan 23, 2015 6:22 pm
Last Updated:Jul 19, 2015 5:29 pm
4682 Views
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It's been almost a year since I posted anything or even visited the site really. I would like to say it was because I found someone, but it would be a lie. Another new year and I'm still alone...not that I am trying to feel sorry for myself, because I'm not by any means doing that...just stating facts. The last time I put myself out there, I got my feelings trampled on, along with my 's feelings, which is something I will NEVER forgive or let happen again.
In other areas of my life...things are just as bleak and depressing. I am back to working 2 jobs. One is full time during the week and then I work the weekends part time, which leaves me absolutely no "me" time. There is always something going on that does not include anything fun related. The last time I went "out" was to my office Christmas party in December. Out of the 23 days of this month so far, I have worked 20 of them...and add in physical therapy for my back and my ...there is no time for anything.
I know I am complaining and I do apologize for that, but this is the only place that I really get into my feelings because no one in my family or on my FB will ever see this and I need to get it out of my head before I go completely crazy. So, I will say thank you in advance for reading this...if you do...and I do apologize for being such a downer, but there is little in my life that is going good.
Anyway...thank you for reading this and I will try to find the bright side of life the next time I write here...
Have a great weekend everyone...and be safe because there is a storm coming...at least here in Ohio there is more snow coming....just wish it was me that was coming 
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Been a while
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Posted:Feb 2, 2014 5:45 pm
Last Updated:Jul 19, 2015 5:30 pm
6128 Views
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I know...its been a while...again. I haven't really had anything to write about lately. And the fact that my laptop broke but I got it back today 
Nothing really going on except for getting a good look at the people I work with...thought they were friends as well as co-workers, but I found out the hard way that I was very wrong. A text came to my phone that was not meant for me, but rather, was about me. I can't even begin to say how much I was hurt. I shouldn't have been surprised, because I work in an office with other women and women tend to get bitchy sometimes, but not like this. I was hurt and angry and of course with that combination, along with mother nature being a ...I lost it, right there at my desk. I am human and I cried. My bosses were like "wtf" but I couldn't stop the tears. I'm a girl LOL and I am the original person with serious trust issues and am a hermit who closes myself off the world for the most part.
Now I think its just better if I just keep to myself even more than normal. It's just not worth the bullshit anymore. I'm so sick of drama LOL I have enough to deal with outside the job w/ drama that I don't need it there too.
Things aren't going as well as I had hoped with my ...he's still very close to an ADHD diagnosis. And my health isn't much better lately...
Oh...and I'm still alone no prospects on the horizon, but then again I am not expecting anything at this point in my life. I am almost 40 years old...I am more than likely going to be alone for the rest of my life, except for my .
Oh well...pity party is over...now to finish watching this joke of a football game
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A few changes
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Posted:Nov 22, 2013 10:36 pm
Last Updated:Jul 19, 2015 5:31 pm
6769 Views
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It's been a really long time since I have written anything because I haven't had the internet until recently. And in that time not much has changed, except that I am only working one job now instead of two. I got a promotion to full time and I am now a leasing agent instead of just an assistant in the office.
Some other things have not changed...I'm still alone in my personal life. I've been alone for 4 years, so I should be used to it by now. I'm not complaining, just a little lonely. I sometimes wish that I could find someone that I could share my life with, but not at the expense of my heart or my 's happiness. I am not willing to let him get close to someone just so that I am not lonely anymore. The last time I got close to someone, so did my and he got attached and then that someone disappeared and my still asks sometimes where he went. I am NOT doing that all over again.
Anyway...life is still boring in my world, but the holidays are almost here and the faster they get here and get done, the happier I will be. I am the original scrooge...I miss my dad the most during the holidays...but I can't let on because it will hurt everyone else so I keep my mouth shut about my feelings...which is why I write things on here. It's the only place I can let things out about how I really feel and won't get judged by my family because I know my family isn't on this site LOL
That's about it in a nutshell...Happy Thanksgiving everyone (even though it's not until Thursday)
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Been a while
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Posted:Jul 14, 2013 4:54 pm
Last Updated:Jul 19, 2015 5:32 pm
7128 Views
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I know it's been a while since I have written anything here, but that's what happens when you don't have any internet LOL
Things were going good for a little while and then last week, went all to hell and I have no idea why...this is why I have stayed single for 4 years...to avoid the drama and bullshit.
On another note, when I came back to this site, I was inadvertently looking for someone from my past...well, I found him. and what happened, you ask? I got screwed over...again. Is there a tattoo on my forehead that says "screw me over" or "use me, I can take it?" WTF is wrong with me that I can't be the one that gets picked or chosen? Why is it that I am the one who always ends up alone? For a long time, that was my choice, but I am sick of being alone and lonely. And quite honestly...dammit I am horny and I want to have sex.
Ok...rant over for now...
Have a great week everyone
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ohhh what to do
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Posted:Jun 12, 2013 3:22 pm
Last Updated:Oct 1, 2015 5:09 pm
7051 Views
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I honestly have no idea what to do anymore...about anything....
Just really sick and tired of my life at this point. Doesn't matter what I do, nothing ever works out for me. I know that probably sounds selfish as all hell, given that everything should be about my ...well...everything is already all about my . All day, everyday...I just wish I had a little me time now and then. But evidentially that is too much to ask. When I am not working my ass off at both my jobs, I am taking care of him and not having a moment's peace to myself.
I am really not as selfish as all of this sounds. Anytime anyone ever needs anything, I am always the one to step up and save someone's ass.
I know, I need to get over myself...I just need some quiet sometimes...and who knows...even maybe a little lovin...cuz I sure as hell ain't gettin that. Just tired and lonely and sad...just a normal day in my life LOL
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Still confused
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Posted:Jun 9, 2013 6:12 pm
Last Updated:Jan 27, 2015 6:36 pm
7115 Views
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Seriously....WTF is wrong with men??? Why do they tell you one thing and then do nothing like what they told you???
I am just about thisclose to saying fuck it w/ the whole guy thing. Who the hell needs the freakin heartache? I know I certainly don't. It's been quite a long time since I have gotten my hopes up and now have been hurt & disappointed not once, but twice this weekend. I certainly never thought I would be crying myself to sleep again because of a guy, but that's what I did Friday night and then to have the said guy tell me one thing yesterday and not hear from him at all today...I am fucking done with the bullshit. Just tell me the truth, don't fuckin promise one thing and then don't do it.
UGHHHH this is the reason I have been single for the past 4 years...I don't need the drama and the bullshit. I have enough of that with my work and my .
Fuck it...I'm going to go take a hot bath and try to relax a little.
Hopefully the upcoming week will be better.
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Confused
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Posted:Jun 3, 2013 5:43 pm
Last Updated:Jan 27, 2015 6:35 pm
7345 Views
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There is so much on my mind right now and most of it is confusion....
As I stated in my last post, my sister has been trying to fix me up with her bf's brother. Well...just spent the weekend at my sister's house...with the brother...and all I heard before I went over to sis's house was how much he likes me and how much he has missed me since the previous time we saw each other. But when we are around each other, we barely talk...he talks to his brother and my sister, but hardly says anything to me. seriously??? wtf??? AND THEN.. he tells his brother, who tells my sister, who tells me, that he really likes me and if/when it comes time to have sex, which we have NOT even talked about...really????
OMG I am so confused. Maybe its because I have been alone for so long and I'm not used to the whole "dating" thing...or maybe because its been so long since I have even thought about having sex...I just don't know if I am ready...or if he is going too fast....but the biggest thing is this....talk to ME dammit.
OK rant over...computer is pissing me off and I am getting an ocular migraine, so I am going to end this.
Have a great week everyone
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decisions decisions
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Posted:May 17, 2013 8:24 pm
Last Updated:Jan 27, 2015 6:34 pm
7770 Views
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There has been a lot going on lately...and some things I just don't know what to do about.
My sister has been trying to fix me up w/ her bf's brother. He's a nice guy and lord knows it has been forever since I have had a date (or even sex), but I am just really confused by "non" feelings. I just feel so empty inside all the time and I have no idea what to do about it.
I know I choose to be a "hermit" but the last couple weekends of going out and having a few drinks has really made me want to be out more, but I still have the sense that I don't deserve it or that I don't deserve to be happy. I keep thinking back on the relationships I have had in the past and I want what I can't have....I know I'm rambling, but that's just my thought process tonight...sorry about that.
Guess I am just confused and alone as ever and thinking too much as usual.
Have a great weekend everyone!!!
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Good News
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Posted:May 2, 2013 6:02 pm
Last Updated:Jan 27, 2015 6:33 pm
7739 Views
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Well...finally having some good things happen in my life.
As of a few hours ago...I have a new home I put down a deposit on an apartment for my & I. It's just a 1 bedroom, but that's all we need for now. We have to get out of the current situation that we are in. It's not that I am not completely grateful to my parents for taking us in when my life fell apart, but I think that's its time to be out on my own again.
I think this will be a good thing for my as well. That way he can have some structure in his life, rather than the controlled chaos that we live in at the moment. Maybe this will help with some of this "behavior" issues, at least that is my hope.
On another note...I am going out again on Saturday w/ my sister and her friends. I think they created a monster LOL. It's all good thought. It gets me out of the house and I get to have fun & know that my is safe...it all works.
Bring on the weekend
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Last night
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Posted:Apr 28, 2013 5:50 pm
Last Updated:Jan 27, 2015 6:33 pm
7720 Views
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I have to say that last night was a blast!!! It has been way too long since I had that much fun and I can't wait to do it again.
Who knew that little hole-in-the-wall bars were so much fun? LOL and I was even drunk enough to get up & sing karaoke, which I hardly ever do, but it was a good time.
Just wish my had cooperated a little bit more and let me sleep in LOL got home & into bed about 4 am and he was up at 7:15...not nearly long enough to get any good sleep, but that's ok. I don't do it that often...HA like 4-5 years not often LOL.
Anyway...a great time was had by all that were there and now, since my is finally asleep, I am heading to bed before I fall asleep in front of the computer LOL
Good night & sweet dreams everyone 
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